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Listening Is Something to Be Learnt — 5 Tips to Become a Better Listener
“Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply.” — Stephen R. Covey
Been there, done that. Just like most other people out there. I used to love listening to reply. Sometimes, I still do.
I still struggle to keep my mouth shut, and my ears open in a conversation or debate. For a while, I’ve blamed it on my youth or my education for being such a bad listener. Now I know it’s none of the above.
Not being able to listen is a mix of multiple factors. Luckily, we can learn to listen, just like we master all our other crucial skills.
Listening Is Difficult
According to George Miller, a psychologist who studied the cognitive psychology field, “to understand what another person is saying, you must assume that it’s true and try to imagine what it could be true of.”
Miller also realized that our human nature makes us do the opposite. When we listen to someone, it’s more likely for us to assume the other is lying. In this context, communication becomes difficult, and we get into what scientists call competitive listening. We don’t even try to understand anymore, and we…
